I wimped out.
I couldn't do it. Just felt too scared. Too afraid that we might get some indeterminate result that would just mess with our minds and our hearts.
Plus maybe I want to be able to imagine for another little while that I'm actually pregnant. That things are ok. Because I'm so afraid that if we really look, we'll find out that things are BAD. Afraid enough that I'd rather not know.
So Will and I talked about this awhile this morning and then he emailed our RE and cancelled.
I will try to find some courage to go in later this week. That's what the Denver nurse told me they want - an ultrasound at some point this week. She'd rather I not put it off until next week (which I was considering). She agreed though that an ultrasound today would be a little on the early side, and that in conjunction with the RE's subpar equipment, might leave me in the unknowing place, with disquieting information we wouldn't know how to interpret.
She said with numbers like these, things should be ok..... Then she paused and added, "but you never know."
Yup. That's it exactly.
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